Satisfactionism: A New Life Philosophy
I’ve struggled a lot in life between two ends of the spectrum: idealism and practicality.
I’ve always hated the drudgery of practicality. To me it has felt like setting the bar low. Settling. He’s 400 pounds, but he bought me a house so we’re engaged…(true story from a Lyft driver). He killed my dog by accident while literally chowing down on four+ cheeseburgers, but he bought me a house…(same Lyft driver). I guess this is what it is. I guess I can bravely crawl back into my bed of nails… and… continue to exist? Bleck.
But then there’s the sugar high of idealism that is always followed by a crash and burn. “I’m going to be a ballet-dancing, ninja princess when I grow up!”
Yeah. :)
Let us all take a minute to create an image of that in our heads.
Now let us all mourn that this life role doesn’t exist.
The problem with idealism is now you’re disappointed because you turned out to be an English teaching, aspiring ninja princess.
And then there’s trying to say you are both: “I’m a practical-idealist.” Okay, so you are either painfully, life-crushingly realistic or an out-of-your mind space cadet? Now you have TWO problems.
Today, through a conversation with a friend, I’ve finally come across an alternative: satisfactionism.
The main goal of satisfactionism is to set goals and take on challenges that are satisfying. Not pie in the sky unrealistic goals that eventually make your heart ache when they don’t work out, but also not shitty, safe goals that make you feel sad and empty inside.
The criteria for a satisfying goal are the following:
- It’s challenging
- It’s reasonably achievable
- It’s exciting
After the first couple days of the quarantine I was a mess. My pursuit of my acting (i.e. princess) goals was put on hold. I cried a lot. I felt like I was on one of those crappy rental scooters — I was pressing go but it wasn’t going forward! Damn it! The perfectionist devil on my shoulder was laughing manically. Despite my dead-eyed Jennifer Lawrence smile, all my students and friends commented, “You seem like you’re in a bad mood.” FYI, this is the very last thing you want to hear when you’re in a bad mood….
I thought, OK. It’s time to become captain of my ship again. I shouldn’t have left the wheel anyway because now all the crew have fallen overboard and drowned. Something has caught fire, and the poop deck is covered in poop. Ew.
What can I do during this time that is a satisfying goal?
The first thing you want to think about is what direction you want to go in. Well, I want to finish developing my two-woman interactive show (despite the quarantine situation) in the next year. I want to achieve a C1 (advanced) level in Russian. I want to be fluent in Ukrainian. I want to be a working actor.
Of course I want to work on my commercial acting skills, get a commercial agent, and book commercial work, but we’re in a quarantine. In my opinion, for a person new to the commercial game, this goal doesn’t feel like it’s in my hands. It doesn’t feel reasonably achievable right now. I’m not giving up on it, I’m just saying, not right now.
I’m still taking my Margie Haber acting intensive (now online) because that is in my hands. I’m still moving in the direction of being a working actor.
OK. So what’s a smaller, satisfying goal for Russian that is in the direction of being C1? Well, in my opinion, reading Anna Karenina in Russian is not reasonably achievable right now. In my gut it seems like it would be so difficult that it would not be satisfying. BUT, I can read one of my all time favorite books, Eat, Pray, Love in Russian because the language is easier and less archaic. THAT is exciting, challenging, and achievable.
Now, I could read a book that was created for language learners. It would be good for my Russian. But, in the long run, I want to read native speaker materials, and it doesn’t excite me to interact with more Russian materials for “language-learners.” It’s time to live in the language.
Other satisfying goals could be cooking a delicious Pad Thai (if you’re like me and you suck at cooking), giving a simple presentation in Ukrainian about your family and basic things, creating a morning sequence that you stick to, doing 30 minutes of yoga every other day etc. What is slightly difficult, exciting, and doable for you? What moves you in the direction of your big goal?
For me, satisfactionism is about growing, exploring, climbing personal mountains, and feeling alive. It’s not about avoiding challenges or big dreams, nor is it about having your head in the clouds.
If your goal is to save the world, is there something reasonable but challenging you could do in that direction that excites you? Maybe you can’t save 100% of homeless people, but could you help rehabilitate a few through a community gardening program? Think satisfaction, not perfection. Think challenging, not “too easy” or “too difficult.”
I want a satisfying life. I don’t want a life that rips my heart out unnecessarily and stomps on it like a cartoon middle school bully. I’m not saying it’s perfect, and I’m sure I’ll still cry a lot and be in bad moods, but it’s something.
It’s satisfying.
